


Did I Seriously Just Write Bible Fanfiction?

by MoiraColleen



Category: Christian Bible, Sefer Bereshit | Book of Genesis
Genre: Crack, Science Fiction, bible fanfiction, idek, like the crackiest crack that ever did crack, my head is a weird place to live, this just sort of happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 15:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6664312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoiraColleen/pseuds/MoiraColleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>just-shower-thoughts posted on Tumblr:</p><p>"What if Mars has water on it because we used to live there and fucked up the climate so bad that we had to send an escape pod to populate earth with just Adam and Eve on it?"</p><p>And my brain spouted this back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did I Seriously Just Write Bible Fanfiction?

just-shower-thoughts posted on Tumblr:  
  
"What if Mars has water on it because we used to live there and fucked up the climate so bad that we had to send an escape pod to populate earth with just Adam and Eve on it?"  
  
And my brain spouted back:

  
So that would make God the AI who terraformed the place while they were en-route.  
  
But Adam and Eve were just babies, so a couple of dolphins were sent along as nannies; but they figured that if we’d already ruined Mars for everybody, we’d do the same to Earth. So one of them wrote this virus meant to screw with our neurological development and added it to the escape pod’s life support/gestational development programming.  
  
AI!God quarantined the virus and told Adam and Eve to keep away from it, but the dolphins eventually convinced them to access the program anyway. AI!God had to kick everyone out of the pod early to minimize the effects and explained how this changed shit:  
  
Adam’s going to have to work harder to feed his family, since none of the future food crops has reached maturity yet; Eve’s babies’ larger cranial development will make childbirth more difficult; and since the dolphins were also dependent on the pod’s life support system, it turns out that the virus screwed with their DNA, too, so that their offspring will no longer have functional legs.  
  
And the dolphins said, “fuck this, we’re aquatic anyway,” and left for the oceans, leaving the serpents to take the blame even though they were limbless all along and knew jack shit about coding.


End file.
